


Another Chance

by miss_whimsy



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Hopeful Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 12:51:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16018292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_whimsy/pseuds/miss_whimsy
Summary: You can hold your heart in your hand. The size, the shape, the colour will tell the truth even if you do not. Best to hide it away and only trust those closest to you with its secrets.





	Another Chance

**Author's Note:**

> For [omarandjohnny](http://omarandjohnny.tumblr.com/). Happy Robron Fandom Appreciation Week. I hope you like this.
> 
> Based on the music video for [Another Chance by Roger Sanchez.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdlvPe959Ck)

Aaron’s heart fills the delivery room when he’s born. 

Slightly bigger than normal, the midwife tells Chas, but nothing to worry about. Babies always have big hearts. It will shrink down to a normal size in a couple of weeks.

Chas holds Aaron, watches him settle in her arms, sees the glow of his heart intensify, and is happy.

 

Aaron’s heart doesn’t shrink. They move all of the furniture out of the nursery to fit it in there. Chas worries constantly, but all the doctors agree that there’s nothing wrong with him. It’s unusual but not unheard of. He has a huge capacity for love. He’s lucky, they tell her, to have all that love to give.

 

The children at school don’t have a problem with Aaron’s heart. They crawl and bounce on it at break times. Aaron joins them in running around it in circles, screaming with joy. He loves his friends. He loves school. He loves his parents. He is happy.

 

His mum leaves and his heart breaks in two. He cries for days trying to fit it back together, but it’s too heavy and he’s too young to fix it on his own. He pleads with his dad to help him, but his father’s heart, perched out of reach on top of the fireplace has turned black and there’s nothing Aaron can do.

 

A few weeks later Aaron’s heart shatters into a million pieces.

 

It takes a while to collect all of the pieces of his heart. At first, he’s not sure he even wants to, but time passes. Things go back to normal. Aaron drops every tiny fragment he finds into a bag, that he carries in his pocket. Luckily no one ever asks to see it, so he never has to explain what happened to it. His mum isn’t interested and he feels like he should be glad of that, but a glance at the fragments show they’re wearing away to dust. Aaron wonders what happens if your heart disappears.

 

It’s Liv that saves him the first time. He tells her once, years later, and she cries in his arms, her own heart leaning precariously against the kitchen table. It’s a good thing, he tells her, a happy thing. He remembers his dad lifting him up to sit on Sandra’s bed so he could see her. He remembers reaching out for Liv’s hand and her tiny fingers clasping his tight. Then a burning sensation against his skin in the pocket where he kept the pieces of his heart. When he’d checked the bag later that night the fragments had knitted themselves back together.

 

Victoria is the first person Aaron ever shows his heart to. He’s not convinced it’s the right thing to do, but she doesn’t laugh or ask questions. She runs her finger over it and it glows bright red, making them both smile. She holds hers out to him and he knows it doesn’t mean everything it should but it’s so good to be trusted and to be loved, even if it’s just as a friend.

 

The Bartons are all terrifying in their own way. John and Moira are happy and in love and not afraid to show it which isn’t normal in Aaron’s experience. Hannah is quiet but sweet. Holly is the coolest girl he’s ever met, funny and beautiful and Aaron thinks if it’s possible for him to love anyone then Holly should be the one. He ignores the fact that his heart glows brighter more often when he thinks about Adam. It doesn’t mean anything that spending time with him makes Aaron’s heart grow to twice its usual size. Adam is his mate. That’s all.

 

Paddy’s face is black and blue, blood still dripping from the wounds Aaron’s given him. Aaron’s heart is lying in the middle of the kitchen where he dropped it, shriveled and torn. They’re both watching it struggle on, Aaron with disgust, Paddy with hope. Aaron knows he doesn’t deserve Paddy. He can’t. Not after everything. 

And Paddy is the one who reaches for it. The one who picks it up and cradles it while assuring Aaron that nothing is going to change between them. That it’s alright that Aaron’s gay. That being gay is normal and Aaron will be happier now the truth is out. Aaron’s heart quivers in fear and Aaron doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t see how it will ever get better.

 

Chas is there when he wakes up in hospital. 

She tells him she’s keeping his heart safe. What she means is he can’t be trusted with it anymore. She tells him that it’s okay that he’s gay. Aaron ignores her. 

He lies there for days, his mind spinning, going over everything again and again. 

Nothing’s changed.

 

Jackson doesn’t believe in him. He loves him, he says, but he doesn’t trust him. Aaron can’t imagine ever being in love. He can’t talk to Jackson about what’s happened. It hurts. 

His heart is lying on the bonnet of Jackson’s car and that should be enough, Aaron thinks. That Jackson can see it. That he can see how much it’s grown since they’ve been together. It looks like glass right now, shimmering and beautiful, but so easy to break. 

Aaron’s scared but he’s trying. He’s honest. He’s doing what Jackson wanted him to do and it’s not enough. It’s not going to be enough. His heart shakes and shrinks. It’s probably not noticeable to anyone but Aaron. 

“You will love someone,” Jackson tells him. “And you’ll know when it happens.”

Aaron’s heart shatters for the second time that night. 

It’s four years before it heals.

 

Jackson was right though. 

It isn’t as though Aaron sees Robert and everything falls into place. His heart doesn’t swell at the sight of him. Robert is fit and Aaron’s not blind. He’s also straight. And arrogant. Insensitive. Occasionally cruel. Thoughtless. 

Aaron knows he shouldn’t have anything to do with him; he’s not an idiot. 

Except that Robert gets under his skin and Aaron can’t get away, doesn’t really want to.

When Robert kisses him, Aaron feels something explode in his heart. It’s the strangest thing he’s ever felt. He presses closer to Robert, pushing and pulling at him, trying to get more. Later, in the back of a car in the dim light of the garage, Aaron feels almost light-headed with it. Whatever it is, it’s intoxicating.

Aaron can’t stop.

 

Aaron wakes up with Robert's arm around him and feels the most content he's ever felt in his life. He's floating, happy. He wants to wake up like this every day. He wants Robert with him every day. He shifts back slightly, snuggling down in the bed, into Robert's arms. His eyes flicker open for a moment and then fly open again in shock as he startles awake. Robert murmurs behind him but doesn't wake, and Aaron sends up a prayer of thanks because if Robert wakes up now it's over.

His heart is filling the room, blocking the door to the bathroom, wedged awkwardly against the ceiling. Aaron's never seen his heart this size before. He'd never believed it could look like this. Even in the photos, his mum had kept of him before she'd left, it had never looked like this.

Robert murmurs again, his hand searching for Aaron, and Aaron falls back against him instantly to stop him waking up. Robert settles and Aaron's heart throbs visibly, glowing brighter. Aaron squeezes his eyes closed for a moment and then opens them again; he rolls over to face Robert, whose heart is lying on the bedside table. It looks bigger than normal, Aaron thinks, hopes. Maybe Robert won't be as horrified by Aaron's heart as Aaron thinks he will.

He can't risk it though. If Robert rejects him, Aaron doesn't think his heart will survive. If it stays like this then he won't be able to hide it. Not from Robert, not from anyone. Everyone will know how he feels and he'll lose everything.

“Aaron?”

Robert blinks himself awake, shifts in the bed until he’s half seated. His skin is bathed in the red glow of Aaron’s heart.

“Is that your heart?” Robert asks, still sounding half asleep. 

Aaron doesn’t know how to respond. There’s nothing he can say to make this better. For some reason there’s Jackson’s voice in his head suddenly, telling him, if nothing else, to be honest.

“Yes.”

He can see the gears turning in Robert’s head, trying to make sense of everything. Aaron watches as long as he dares, then slides out of the bed and starts to get dressed. That at least seems to spur Robert into moving.

“Wait, what are you doing?”

“Leaving?”

“What? Why?”

“Oh, come on, Robert,” Aaron snaps, evading Robert’s hand as he reaches for him. “I know how this ends. The same way it always ends. With my heart in a million pieces and me having to pick them all up and fit them back together.”

“Aaron,” Robert says, calmly, “wait.”

“No, Robert,” Aaron says. “No. I can’t do this anymore.” He points at his heart. It looks a little smaller now but God knows how he’s going to get it home. “I can’t do this. This is me. This is who I am. I can’t hide it. I can’t brush it under the carpet. I don’t have the luxury of keeping my heart in my pocket like everyone else. If I feel something everyone can see it for miles around. There it is, plain as day.”

“Aaron…”

“I love you, Robert. I love you.”

It takes a minute for the words to sink in and Aaron’s heart glows brighter because he can’t help but hope that that’s enough.

It’s not.

“This isn’t a love story,” Robert tells him. 

It’s a lie. Aaron knows it’s a lie because he can see Robert’s heart as clearly as Robert can see his.

“What’s that then?” 

Robert looks at where Aaron’s pointing, at his heart on the bedside table, twice as big as it was before, glowing almost as bright as Aaron’s.

“You love me,” Aaron says, and he doesn’t really believe it, the look of horror on Robert’s face makes want to run, but hearts don’t lie. That’s why you have to be careful with them.

 

It’s Robert who runs.

 

It doesn’t hurt as much, seeing Robert and Chrissie, knowing what Aaron knows now. Maybe Robert’s playing happy families but he doesn’t love Chrissie the way he loves Aaron, and that’s what keeps Aaron going. 

Chas and Paddy want to know who it is that made Aaron’s heart do that. They’re both so happy for him, happier than they’d be if they knew the truth, Aaron thinks, but it’s nice that they stop worrying about him for a while. Aaron’s not a burden to them anymore.

His mum asks lots of questions about his _mystery man_ and Aaron makes sure not to give too much away. It’s strange that he can be this happy when Robert’s still not with him.

And Robert’s not doing well. Everyone in the village can see that. Even Katie stops sniping at him when she stops getting a response. 

“I’m worried about him,” Victoria tells him one day. “Does he talk to you? Up at the scrapyard.”

Robert hasn’t been at the scrapyard since it opened. He hasn’t talked to Aaron in weeks.

“It’s his wedding next week. I thought he’d be happy, but he’s not. He won’t even talk to me about it.”

 

February 5th is cold and grey, which Aaron thinks is perfect. He has no plans except to lie in bed all day and maybe get drunk later. He’s allowed himself one day to wallow and he’s going to take full advantage.

No one else seems willing to let him though.

“Aaron,” Andy greets him in the kitchen when Aaron sneaks down for a cup of tea. “Have you seen, Robert?”

“Why would I have?” Aaron asks. “It’s his wedding day. Aren’t you supposed to be keeping an eye on him?”

“I can’t find him,” Andy says. “He’s not answering his phone. Can you help me look? Please. I’m worried about him.”

 

Aaron doesn’t know how he finds him, but once he starts looking his feet seem to carry him along without him making a conscious choice.

Robert’s sitting outside an old farmhouse, dressed for his wedding. He barely glances at Aaron as he approaches and sits down on the wall next to him.

“I used to live here,” Robert says at length. “We used to live here.”

Aaron sits quietly and waits. Robert’s heart is by his feet and Aaron has never seen anything like it before; the size, shape and colour are constantly changing. It’s sad and beautiful at the same time.

“It’s flats now. Broke dad’s heart to sell it.”

“Are you alright?”

“I keep thinking about them,” Robert says. “Mum and dad. What they’d think of me.”

“Robert, they’d be proud of you,” Aaron says, but he sees Robert’s heart turn a miserable murky colour so he doesn’t say anything else. Instead, he reaches out and takes Robert’s hand.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m not asking anything of you, other than to be yourself,” Aaron says. “Be happy, Robert. That’s all any of us can ever try to do.”

 

Robert’s heart settles on one thing.

 

Aaron doesn’t know what it means and he’s afraid to break the moment by asking. He has no idea what’s going to happen next. Maybe Robert will choose Chrissie and they’ll be the perfect family that he’s always wanted. Maybe Robert will choose him and things will be difficult for a while. Maybe Robert won’t choose anyone at all.

But that’s okay, Aaron knows. 

Whatever happens, they’ll both be okay.


End file.
